greif is a funny thing.
a friend and colleague of mine spent some time crying in our office recently, with me, heartbroken over her (recently deceased) father's birthday. a holiday weekend that should have been filled with family and love and laughter and all those things that make family holidays wonderful, was covered with a cloud of sadness, as her family reflected on what that day really meant.
"none of us even like turkey, but he did" she said to me, "so we made it. and we ate it anyways."
and then, I cried. I spent 5 minutes after she left the office crying.
and then, i came home. and carmen (my quasi-temporary-roommate) and I watched glee - the episode in honour of cory monteith. and we cried.
and i cried for my friend and how she misses (and will always miss) her dad. and i cried for my most recently lost friend. and i cried for my friends before him who will never be more than 14, 16, 18 and 19 in my mind.
i cried for what sadness meant - the piece of your heart that never fully heals, and the ache in your throat whenever someone asks about them. the ache that doesn't go away, unless you let it out in loud, long sobs. the kind of cry you can only do alone.
after i washed my face, and brushed my teeth, and climbed into bed, i couldn't get rid of faces. faces of the people i love, and the people who have left us here on this earth to be without them. some by choice, and some taken... taken violently and severely.
and on this weekend, i can't help but think that if i'm in this much pain, their families must be inconsolable. and so, while i am full of all the thanks in the world over friends, family, and all that i get to be with those people in my life whom i love, i am also thinking of all my friends families - those who have been left behind. and if i could give any part of my heart to them - to fill the parts of their hearts that i know will be missing forever - i would do it in a second.
a friend and colleague of mine spent some time crying in our office recently, with me, heartbroken over her (recently deceased) father's birthday. a holiday weekend that should have been filled with family and love and laughter and all those things that make family holidays wonderful, was covered with a cloud of sadness, as her family reflected on what that day really meant.
"none of us even like turkey, but he did" she said to me, "so we made it. and we ate it anyways."
and then, I cried. I spent 5 minutes after she left the office crying.
and then, i came home. and carmen (my quasi-temporary-roommate) and I watched glee - the episode in honour of cory monteith. and we cried.
and i cried for my friend and how she misses (and will always miss) her dad. and i cried for my most recently lost friend. and i cried for my friends before him who will never be more than 14, 16, 18 and 19 in my mind.
i cried for what sadness meant - the piece of your heart that never fully heals, and the ache in your throat whenever someone asks about them. the ache that doesn't go away, unless you let it out in loud, long sobs. the kind of cry you can only do alone.
after i washed my face, and brushed my teeth, and climbed into bed, i couldn't get rid of faces. faces of the people i love, and the people who have left us here on this earth to be without them. some by choice, and some taken... taken violently and severely.
and on this weekend, i can't help but think that if i'm in this much pain, their families must be inconsolable. and so, while i am full of all the thanks in the world over friends, family, and all that i get to be with those people in my life whom i love, i am also thinking of all my friends families - those who have been left behind. and if i could give any part of my heart to them - to fill the parts of their hearts that i know will be missing forever - i would do it in a second.
"He was such a good guy. I'll never get to tell him. There's no less here. There's no happy ending. There's just nothing. He's just gone."
- Sue, Glee
- Sue, Glee