so. it's important to me to revisit time to time, why i write this blog. why i started, why i continue, and why i don't just stop.
life has been crazy... no. that's an understatement. life has been so up in the air, shooting stars in a meteor shower, can't sleep, can't eat, making, creating, losing, laughing, talking, thinking, barely thinking, interning, writing.... ah. it's been over the fence enjoyable, but crazy.
so a couple of nights ago, i had a thought - should i put my blog on hold for a bit? figure my life out, and all that's going on, in order to refocus? maybe i should hold the blog, and focus on making jewelry (and marketing re:claim and thackeray's vanity); focus on the art/jewelry show i coordinated in December, and the ones I'd like to coordinate this year; the internship, and what i was able to gain from that; focus on the job i was offered part time, and what that could mean for a future in silversmithing; focus on my website with alex, and the future we both see, but haven't had time to focus on; think about my friendships, my financial situation, and all of the things that are important to me; focus on making my 9-5 job more enjoyable, and ONLY a 9-5. should i focus on all of these things, and just hold the blog aspect of life for a moment in time?
i also received a tweet from a stranger a couple of weeks ago, who noted, "[...] also it's spelled 'inconsistency'. #justtryingtohelp". it made me step back. i had to remind myself that some people don't get it. he's not a consistant (oh boy) reader. he doesn't realize that i spelt 'inconsistancy' with irony in mind. and in putting your true self out there on the internet, you get the people going. people who you feel like you have to explain yourself to. when in reality, there's no reason for it.
so, it occurred to me. one of the things i enjoy the most in my day to day life - over and above ALL of those things - is my blog. i enjoy engaging with my friends, and complete strangers. i enjoy what i get to share, and i enjoy it as my source of therapy. and i am protective, and proud, and in love with it.
and the odd time, i get a message from a friend. a message that says to me 'you need to keep writing. if for no other reason, than you get to reach out to people who you care about'.
so. thus begins my reminder to myself, as well as a compilation of tributes to the wonderful friends i have. and the wonderful reasons i have to write my blog.
the first is from steph. she is one of my dearest friends - a friend who constantly reaffirms the truth to me, even if i don't want to hear it. she's one of my biggest supporters, and she does so by being honest and just. and everything that comes out of her mouth, i trust in all of it's validity. she renewed me last year when i needed it. big time... and she had no idea....
"dear jamie,
so today you came into my life in two ways...and you didn't even know it. [.......] I find it important (or maybe its that I have been told so many times) to google oneself. I do it every six months or so. today I decided to explore and go beyond the first few pages on google because we all know [SM] is not a common name. on the third page there was a comment i made on a blog in April of 2009....about having a hippy wedding. your blog to be exact. I proceeded to ignore my family for the next few hours and read every entry since then. there are so many thoughts going on in my head I feel like I should shut the door on the thoughts, leave for a bit, have a drink and then return. however I know that many of them will escape throughout the night and maybe will not have as much meaning as originally intended.
after reading almost two years of entries I realized how much I didn't know about you anymore. I didn't know you and greig broke up, that you moved, lived on couches, fell into like and so much more. but more importantly, i was once again in awe (honestly) of what an amazing woman you are. not only have given me 20 plus new websites to stalk, but you live. you really really live. reading your life...made me realize how much I am wasting mine... maybe not wasting but not fully appreciating, living, exploring and discovering with the time and opportunities I have. does that make sense? at the beginning of my reading I began to wonder why you were ever my friend.... i love meat, i don't have the same passions like you (I wish I did but I don't), you appreciate life to such an extent and live it with all your senses. but, as I kept reading I realized why we had begun to be friends... we live to eat....the tastes textures, cultures, people that make up food is all so intoxicating. we are both in different ways romantics (don't you dare deny it) and love to be different in our own way... may it be with a funky headband or a really cool card. we both have our embarassing loves...yours might be chuck but if I could dress like serena....and have her hair just for a day.... the appreciation for the written word may be the biggest one for me (other then the exploring piece) someday Jamie you have to promise me you'll go to Pairs and go to Shakespeare and company. It is our heaven.
after reading the last entry posted yesterday I believe I think I came to the hardest realization (and this is more for me than for you) - I have a life without you in it and it's fine. it's a pretty good life there are some things I wish for, things I could do more and things that I am blessed to have. nevertheless even though it's fine doesn't mean for me it's ok. It's stupid to say this but reading your blog made me realize how much I missed having you in my life (and if you don't feel the same way that is totally fine and if this creeps you out I'm sorry). I miss my friend that I could gossip about dreamy boys over like A and J, the friend that would drool over indian food with me and that friend that I know I could really laugh with. So I won't fill this email with the loaded questions of how are you blah blah blah even though I really do care about that kind of stuff.
I guess the point of the story is that I know we both have enough friends but I would like you to be one of mine again...does that even make any sense? Now I know the whole living across the ocean is quite hard but I hope (fingers crossed) I will be in Toronto by the summer with a fabulous new job and a unique funky apartment for me to make home. If that so happens I would love to have someone show me the city, really show me the city and share a cup of tea with me. If you're up for it let me know. If your life is full enough that is fine as well.
I guess i just want you to know if we never see eachother again...which i really hope its not the case, you have brought so much to my life and I really appreciate you and the person you are. I have the upmost respect and love for you. I am a full circle kind of person and so I think that since you have given me so much I can only return the favour. If you know of all this stuff then I apologize...
Anyways if you've made it this far I'm impressed. I just knew I had to write you to let you know that even after all these years you still mean a lot to me.
Happy Holidays Jamie,
Lots of Liaison building love, S"
that is a friend. and i am lucky to have multiple friends like this.
so thank you friends. for reading. for caring. i will continue to write. and you can continue to read. and i'll build a thick skin, for those people who hate me. but for those who love me - i will try to continue to write for your entertainment.
life has been crazy... no. that's an understatement. life has been so up in the air, shooting stars in a meteor shower, can't sleep, can't eat, making, creating, losing, laughing, talking, thinking, barely thinking, interning, writing.... ah. it's been over the fence enjoyable, but crazy.
 |
| image from weheartit.com/ |
i also received a tweet from a stranger a couple of weeks ago, who noted, "[...] also it's spelled 'inconsistency'. #justtryingtohelp". it made me step back. i had to remind myself that some people don't get it. he's not a consistant (oh boy) reader. he doesn't realize that i spelt 'inconsistancy' with irony in mind. and in putting your true self out there on the internet, you get the people going. people who you feel like you have to explain yourself to. when in reality, there's no reason for it.
 |
| from Marta Writes pinterest |
and the odd time, i get a message from a friend. a message that says to me 'you need to keep writing. if for no other reason, than you get to reach out to people who you care about'.
so. thus begins my reminder to myself, as well as a compilation of tributes to the wonderful friends i have. and the wonderful reasons i have to write my blog.
the first is from steph. she is one of my dearest friends - a friend who constantly reaffirms the truth to me, even if i don't want to hear it. she's one of my biggest supporters, and she does so by being honest and just. and everything that comes out of her mouth, i trust in all of it's validity. she renewed me last year when i needed it. big time... and she had no idea....
"dear jamie,
so today you came into my life in two ways...and you didn't even know it. [.......] I find it important (or maybe its that I have been told so many times) to google oneself. I do it every six months or so. today I decided to explore and go beyond the first few pages on google because we all know [SM] is not a common name. on the third page there was a comment i made on a blog in April of 2009....about having a hippy wedding. your blog to be exact. I proceeded to ignore my family for the next few hours and read every entry since then. there are so many thoughts going on in my head I feel like I should shut the door on the thoughts, leave for a bit, have a drink and then return. however I know that many of them will escape throughout the night and maybe will not have as much meaning as originally intended.
after reading almost two years of entries I realized how much I didn't know about you anymore. I didn't know you and greig broke up, that you moved, lived on couches, fell into like and so much more. but more importantly, i was once again in awe (honestly) of what an amazing woman you are. not only have given me 20 plus new websites to stalk, but you live. you really really live. reading your life...made me realize how much I am wasting mine... maybe not wasting but not fully appreciating, living, exploring and discovering with the time and opportunities I have. does that make sense? at the beginning of my reading I began to wonder why you were ever my friend.... i love meat, i don't have the same passions like you (I wish I did but I don't), you appreciate life to such an extent and live it with all your senses. but, as I kept reading I realized why we had begun to be friends... we live to eat....the tastes textures, cultures, people that make up food is all so intoxicating. we are both in different ways romantics (don't you dare deny it) and love to be different in our own way... may it be with a funky headband or a really cool card. we both have our embarassing loves...yours might be chuck but if I could dress like serena....and have her hair just for a day.... the appreciation for the written word may be the biggest one for me (other then the exploring piece) someday Jamie you have to promise me you'll go to Pairs and go to Shakespeare and company. It is our heaven.
after reading the last entry posted yesterday I believe I think I came to the hardest realization (and this is more for me than for you) - I have a life without you in it and it's fine. it's a pretty good life there are some things I wish for, things I could do more and things that I am blessed to have. nevertheless even though it's fine doesn't mean for me it's ok. It's stupid to say this but reading your blog made me realize how much I missed having you in my life (and if you don't feel the same way that is totally fine and if this creeps you out I'm sorry). I miss my friend that I could gossip about dreamy boys over like A and J, the friend that would drool over indian food with me and that friend that I know I could really laugh with. So I won't fill this email with the loaded questions of how are you blah blah blah even though I really do care about that kind of stuff.
I guess the point of the story is that I know we both have enough friends but I would like you to be one of mine again...does that even make any sense? Now I know the whole living across the ocean is quite hard but I hope (fingers crossed) I will be in Toronto by the summer with a fabulous new job and a unique funky apartment for me to make home. If that so happens I would love to have someone show me the city, really show me the city and share a cup of tea with me. If you're up for it let me know. If your life is full enough that is fine as well.
I guess i just want you to know if we never see eachother again...which i really hope its not the case, you have brought so much to my life and I really appreciate you and the person you are. I have the upmost respect and love for you. I am a full circle kind of person and so I think that since you have given me so much I can only return the favour. If you know of all this stuff then I apologize...
Anyways if you've made it this far I'm impressed. I just knew I had to write you to let you know that even after all these years you still mean a lot to me.
Happy Holidays Jamie,
Lots of Liaison building love, S"
that is a friend. and i am lucky to have multiple friends like this.
so thank you friends. for reading. for caring. i will continue to write. and you can continue to read. and i'll build a thick skin, for those people who hate me. but for those who love me - i will try to continue to write for your entertainment.