i got sucked into californication recently… lately. hank moody makes me love myself. the easy 20-30 minute episodes make it a good thing to watch while I’m making dinner, jewelry, whatever. it's a great show.

it's hard to decide whether to love, or hate, hank. and i think anyone who watches it feels a bit of both - feels envious that he speaks what he feels, makes bad decisions, has fun, and is blunt to the point of honest transparency. but he hurts people with those decisions - and we can't help but hate him a bit for it.
though. i don't think i'm the only one who sees a part of him that you can't help but love. and that we all want to be a little bit like. to continuously tell the truth, no matter how far in it gets you. to love to the extreme - through whatever gets in the way. and to be totally transparent.

and, have a little fun.

but above all else, this moment is my favourite hank moody moment. he loves with so much of his heart, and this moment shares that with the audience.

anyone who has loved, can know that this is like.

hank writes a letter to karen (his life love) when they first begin dating. they've sort of had a casual relationship to that point, and she finds out she's pregnant. they have a discussion about terminating the pregnancy, and that what they're doing is casual, so they can't possible continue on. he then drops this letter in the mailbox...

dear karen,
if you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don't know me very well but if you get me started, I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. this, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. there's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it. I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, I wasn't on the make. It was a perfect storm.

she said one thing, I said another. Next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.

now there's this feeling in my gut: she might be The One. she's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required. she is you, karen. that's the good news. the bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. and it scares the shit out of me. because if I'm not with you right now, I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. it's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment, the moment that could have changed everything. I don't know what's going on with us, and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. but damn you smell good. like home. and you make excellent coffee -- that's got to count for something, right? call me.
unfaithfully yours, Hank Moody

i think sometimes we're all looking for reasons - in love, life. we're looking for a tangible, a logical, a realistic response to the things we encounter. i'm not sure if it was the time i watched this, or if these ideas will forever resonate with me, but hank says...

It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment, the moment that could have changed everything. I don't know what's going on with us, and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good. Like home. And you make excellent coffee -- that's got to count for something, right?

.... and it reminds us, sometimes the timing is wrong. but if the feeling is right, then sometimes you just have to take a leap. it's never a waste.