it's the most wonderful time of the year

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.
everyone. listen up. did ya hear? it's the special day.

i love today. i love it. 

i know, i know. i am the antithesis of love. how can i adore a hallmark holiday? how can i sell out, and bask in the enjoyment of other's misery, to the delight of those in looooooove?

it's not that. it's not romantic love that i love.

you know what i love? giving heart pencils to my coworkers, and sending child valentines to far away friends. i love that when i was 6, our school set up a legit post office, and we could mail valentines to people in the school - post marked and everything. i love that even if people are bitter, and hate the day, it even pushes those people to spend it with their best friends in the world, just to rant about those in love.
guess what angry people - joke's on you. you spent the day with people you love TOO! take that.
so. today, i share my favourite love things. because it's my blog, and i get to do what i want. and, i know that SOMEWHERE down there, if my cold black heart was get a bit more squishy today, yours can too.

read this. justin created this stunning love letters for his girlfriend. neighbouring camps. it's all in there. perfection. hand designed address labels, beautiful calligraphy, love letters sent from place to place. i want these - not love letters, just someone to send me things that are so painstakingly designed as the detail on these envelopes!

this was a tote done by fieldguided - they don't have it anymore, but they have a 'there is thunder in our hearts' tote (heart, heart. same, same), which is equally beautiful. carrying love. plus, it's practical - as love should be - and simple, so you can use it for everything. or, go with the skull and roses bag ('mr. horticulture') from danielle at dinosaur toes. equally love related - because who doesn't love a skull full of roses!

feeling exceptionally bitter? watch one of these 10 worst valentine's films ever. i am so in love with the movie revolutionary road, it only makes sense to dedicate many valentines days to it. that's true love - i'm telling you (photo via). movies that are dripping in hate, heart wrenching agony, and the reality and truth of relationships and love. cheating, lying, heartbreak, lonliness. reality. and then, you can feel sorry for people in love, instead of being pissed off at them.

sam does these incredibly artistic valentines. and she encourages people to print them and send them! whaaaaaa?? and even if you're not going to send them, just take a look. they're beautiful. easy peasy valentines for friends and colleagues you may have forgotten about (oops).

i always spend the day listening to anti-valetines music (don't try to figure me out - this brain of mine is a real fun house of confusing proportions). you can listen to these people rant about love. alternatively, you can listen to lovey dovey music here. which only salvages itself because robbie williams is on the list.

and, in case all of those lovely things didn't help, or quell your distaste and overall hatred of this wonderful holiday, then some things to remember on valentines. (hint: CHEAP CANDY). here's my holiday tip - stock up on candy hearts, and freeze them. THEY WILL LAST ALL YEAR. yes. things i've learned from years of pining for those lovely firey hearts year round, without being able to fulfill cravings.
call someone you love today. mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin. friend, colleague, someone you lost touch with. call them. do it. and then, eat red candy that only comes once a year, and watch a horror movie. what would valentines be without a horror movie??!?!
i'm spending valentines handing out pencils and candy to friends, and then having poutine, and beer in a travel mug with jeff. it's just the way i like it.

love notes - for the hated

i love lauren nicole hom's work. all of it. so you can imagine how much i adore her series (that was actually a class project) 'broken hearts'. hey! sometimes love sucks! and sometimes it's a great thing when you break up with someone, but then that person keeps your favourite book and you never get it back, and you have to pay all the money for a new hardcover version - and that sucks worse than the breakup itself!

so hey. here are greeting cards for when these things happen. (finally).

(please excuse the expletives. emotions are raw, people!)

oh breakups. nothing better.

a perfect storm

i got sucked into californication recently… lately. hank moody makes me love myself. the easy 20-30 minute episodes make it a good thing to watch while I’m making dinner, jewelry, whatever. it's a great show.

it's hard to decide whether to love, or hate, hank. and i think anyone who watches it feels a bit of both - feels envious that he speaks what he feels, makes bad decisions, has fun, and is blunt to the point of honest transparency. but he hurts people with those decisions - and we can't help but hate him a bit for it.
though. i don't think i'm the only one who sees a part of him that you can't help but love. and that we all want to be a little bit like. to continuously tell the truth, no matter how far in it gets you. to love to the extreme - through whatever gets in the way. and to be totally transparent.

and, have a little fun. 

but above all else, this moment is my favourite hank moody moment. he loves with so much of his heart, and this moment shares that with the audience.

anyone who has loved, can know that this is like. 

hank writes a letter to karen (his life love) when they first begin dating. they've sort of had a casual relationship to that point, and she finds out she's pregnant. they have a discussion about terminating the pregnancy, and that what they're doing is casual, so they can't possible continue on. he then drops this letter in the mailbox...

dear karen, 
if you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it, so good for me. You don't know me very well but if you get me started, I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. this, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. there's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it. I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, I wasn't on the make. It was a perfect storm. 

she said one thing, I said another. Next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. 

now there's this feeling in my gut: she might be The One. she's completely nuts in a way that makes me smile, highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required. she is you, karen. that's the good news. the bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. and it scares the shit out of me. because if I'm not with you right now, I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. it's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment, the moment that could have changed everything. I don't know what's going on with us, and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. but damn you smell good. like home. and you make excellent coffee -- that's got to count for something, right? call me.                                                     
unfaithfully yours, Hank Moody

i think sometimes we're all looking for reasons - in love, life. we're looking for a tangible, a logical, a realistic response to the things we encounter. i'm not sure if it was the time i watched this, or if these ideas will forever resonate with me, but hank says... 

It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment, the moment that could have changed everything. I don't know what's going on with us, and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good. Like home. And you make excellent coffee -- that's got to count for something, right?

.... and it reminds us, sometimes the timing is wrong. but if the feeling is right, then sometimes you just have to take a leap. it's never a waste.

'nothing - i just helped him cry'

ok. i rarely rarely rarely write posts on weekends... but this one is a necessary. this has been a weird weekend. one that i wasn't prepared for. and one that has caused much introspection. 
so this.... when i found this..... stumbled onto this gem..... it was needed. and i need to share. 
'Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry”'
perfection. next time.... just help someone cry.

'when we look up and see the sky | through the tangle of spun lies'

in reflection and with intention.... i have to revisit a blog entry i wrote a little while ago.
the situation has come full circle, and has provided me with much insight. it has provided me with the insight to say that i still stand by my beliefs of a person's feelings of love, and what those feelings mean to their life, other relationships, and ourselves.
i was able to have a conversation recently with the ex-girlfriend referred to in my first entry, as well as a mutual friend of all of ours... and what light it shone. essentially, the conversation broke down 4 different stories - his, hers, friend's, and mine. and interestingly enough the only 2 that were somewhat parallel were mine, and the friend's.

'Go find another lover | To bring a... to string along | With all your lies | You're still very lovable' - bon iver

throughout this scenario, i had been called a stalker, insistant, obsessive, and more. the beauty of the situation is that anyone who knows me, knows i am not the type - i'm distant, cold, and unwilling even to those who i am willing to open up to.
i could spend pages with notes on what we spoke about, the things that made the three of us laugh, speechless, or snicker. i could have also recoiled with letters/emails of defense, shock, accusations and clarification of lies.
however.

instead, i find peace.

image from weheartit.com

the beauty of the truth is that it rises above all - proverbial oil on water. no matter how mixed into the concrete swarms of lies that truth becomes, it somehow manages to emerge, sparkling clean, ready to share itself. and share itself it did.
so again, i reiterate - "what is it about love that turns who we are, and what we know, on our heads?"
a feeling so strong it causes even the most seemingly pulled together person, to utilize self-preservation methods to their own demise... to isolate friends, business connections, and the like, while maintaining only their face value. when, in time, that face value becomes further depleted once those truths rise to the surface. and they always do. they always come to the top.
and again, i reiterate - this situation, i simply use as a platform. i don't think there is much spectacular about this scenario i found myself intertwined in, other than its reality that i have embraced. i think it speaks to many things about love and relationships, friendships and truth, that we have all - at one point or another - found ourselves to be true of human nature.
one of the things that we chatted in length about, was her trust in my validity. i have nothing to gain - in fact, i'm sure i make more enemies through my blog, than i do friends. but you see, my friends, that's not the point. the point is to just write. to spill truths in every shape and colour into my writing. to share with friends and strangers. and, perhaps most importantly - to not be censored. i rarely use names (unless reflecting on a weekend, or praising a friend), because other people's privacy is important to me. it is, and always has been, my decision to write on this blog. and from that, comes transparency. strangers who become friends; people who know things about you that sometimes friends don't; your truth on the world's stage.
i don't hide anything - and i won't start now.
so i can say this - in reflection: the truth starts with ourselves. i vow to be truthful with myself, about my feelings, wants, needs, desires, and strengths. and through that, comes the confidence to be true with everyone around me. a lie comes from insecurity. and i will not be known as that person - and i think, a few more people in this world (as discovered by a thick and perfect conversation) have decided not to invite those people into any part of their being anymore.

truth - image from weheartit.com

can we love ourselves enough to prohibit lies and poor treatment? i'm going to find out.
and i maintain how i finished my last entry.....

"so this i wish for all of us – those who are reading: i sincerely hope we find happiness. i hope those who hurt us, realize they have hurt us. i hope we only allow people to love us the way that we deserve to be loved. and the way that we all deserve to sacrifice everything – relationships, creativity, dignity, and our hearts – for. i hope that we all find the strength in ourselves to do what we love – despite what other people expect of us. i hope that we can allow ourselves to move forward, learning from our experiences. i hope we can finally find ourselves comfortable with our various relationships – in such a way that we don’t have to worry about what people think.

and until these things happen - and after they are all proven true - i maintain that i continue to write for myself. an outlet. a therapy. you can read, or you can ignore. but if you make the conscious decision to read, then this is written for you, but not to you. it's to me. hopefully a way to communicate to my future, or former self that one day, it will all turn out the way it is supposed to."