last year i looked at all of the small things that meant big things along the way. this year is no different. there were a lot of big moments.
a few
of those big moments were...
best
moment of joy: being able to stand beside one of my best friends in the
world, and support him in his marriage to
a really kick ass chick. no question.
hardest
moment of pain: not a lot of people know, but i spent a large majority of 2012
not really speaking with my sister. not that i think family items and issues
are something that should be spread and shared to strangers across the web, but
in our finally sitting down to talk, and hash things out, i was reminded of how
painful 10 months of missing her was. and it was not lost on me, how
important family
relationships are to my life.
favourite
memory of laughter: as ridiculous as it sounds, my favourite moments of laughter
were those simple moments with friends - beading workshops with some ladies
that hurt my gut from laughter, moments between jeff and i that no one else
could possibly understand, in which we were both without words (even if we
wanted to speak) over something so ridiculous, and a Christmas celebration with
friends that left my cheeks hurting from smiles. and though so many amazing and
hilarious things happened this year (when you stop laughing, you start crying -
and it's so much better to laugh), i can recall those three moments perfectly -
and they still make me laugh.
largest
lesson taught/learned: that sometimes, we
have to do what's right for us. it may not fit into other's plans (in fact,
often it doesn't), but we have to do it. because our heart says we should, and
our bodies need it. i spent 2012 hearing my head tell me to stay in place,
things will be fine - with my heart pulling at me, telling me the opposite. i
finally listened to my heart. and it's made for happy decision making.
hardest
goodbye: my uncle passed this year, and left a family broken hearted.
we were torn between relief - in that he was able to dance again, and play
music, and be his beloved self in heaven - and pain. 3 sisters (my mom and
aunts) who lost a life long companion, and 7 nieces and nephews who
are without their playmate and friend - lost an uncle. we all miss him whole
heartedly... and life just isn't the same without him.
favourite
hello:
i'm sure everyone has gathered that my lovely boyfriend's name is jeff. he was
my favourite hello, because he was a reacquainted hello. we went from
being friends long ago, to being sort of friends (but more the kind who you say
hi to when you see them around) as he was friends with my sister, then he moved
to BC and though i saw him on one of my trips, we stayed sort of friends.
then he moved home, moved to toronto, and we spent time together. and the
rest is history. It wasn’t a new hello… but it was an important hello, in a
different way, to a long time friend. And my favourite one of the year.
most
important movie to me this year: the perks of being a
wallflower. though i only watched it recently, it meant things times a
million. it's words reflected so deep within me, and i felt so much more in a
movie about a kid in high school, than i felt in movies i watched all year
about people my age. it meant everything at that exact moment.
“it's much easier to not know things sometimes. things
change and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody. i
wanted to laugh. or maybe get mad. or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was,
especially me. i think the idea is that every person has to live for
his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people.
maybe that is what makes people "participate.” you can't just sit
their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.
you just can't. you have to do things. i'm going to do what i want to
do. i'm going to be who i really am. and i'm going to figure
out what that is. and we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about
each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what
they didn't know. i don't know. i guess there could always be someone to blame.
it's just different. maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but
sometimes, i think that the only perspective is to really be there. because
it's okay to feel things. i was really there. and that was enough to make me
feel infinite. i feel infinite.”
most
important book for me this year: the
great gatsby. every year there is one - and this year, there was no
question that this one spoke to my needed peace in life at that very moment.
‘he smiled understandingly – much more than understandingly. It
was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that
you may come across four or five times in life. It faced – or seemed to face –
the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you
with an irresistible prejudice in your favour. It understood you just
as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to
believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of
you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.’
favourite
song of the year: i'm torn... and because it's my blog, i can do what i want. this
is a tie - between two songs that i've seen performed live this year, which
solidified their place in my heart. they are two songs that meant so much to me
- for their meaning and their emotion perfectly paired with the music they float
alongside with. deer tick's 'goodbye, dear
friend', and first aid kit's 'emmy
lou'. loss paired with hope. pain paired with longing. and i feel as though
these two songs perfectly capture what 2012 was - both painful and wonderful...
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both
happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” ― Stephen
Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
what memories are you leaving this year with?