my life song

2012 in summary: moments to remember

last year i looked at all of the small things that meant big things along the way. this year is no different. there were a lot of big moments.

via
a few of those big moments were... 
best moment of joy: being able to stand beside one of my best friends in the world, and support him in his marriage to a really kick ass chick. no question. 
hardest moment of pain: not a lot of people know, but i spent a large majority of 2012 not really speaking with my sister. not that i think family items and issues are something that should be spread and shared to strangers across the web, but in our finally sitting down to talk, and hash things out, i was reminded of how painful 10 months of missing her was. and it was not lost on me, how important family relationships are to my life.
favourite memory of laughter: as ridiculous as it sounds, my favourite moments of laughter were those simple moments with friends - beading workshops with some ladies that hurt my gut from laughter, moments between jeff and i that no one else could possibly understand, in which we were both without words (even if we wanted to speak) over something so ridiculous, and a Christmas celebration with friends that left my cheeks hurting from smiles. and though so many amazing and hilarious things happened this year (when you stop laughing, you start crying - and it's so much better to laugh), i can recall those three moments perfectly - and they still make me laugh.
largest lesson taught/learned: that sometimes, we have to do what's right for us. it may not fit into other's plans (in fact, often it doesn't), but we have to do it. because our heart says we should, and our bodies need it. i spent 2012 hearing my head tell me to stay in place, things will be fine - with my heart pulling at me, telling me the opposite. i finally listened to my heart. and it's made for happy decision making. 
hardest goodbye: my uncle passed this year, and left a family broken hearted. we were torn between relief - in that he was able to dance again, and play music, and be his beloved self in heaven - and pain. 3 sisters (my mom and aunts) who lost a life long companion, and 7 nieces and nephews who are without their playmate and friend - lost an uncle. we all miss him whole heartedly... and life just isn't the same without him.  
my uncle's goodbye - collage of his acheivements 

favourite hello: i'm sure everyone has gathered that my lovely boyfriend's name is jeff. he was my favourite hello, because he was a reacquainted hello. we went from being friends long ago, to being sort of friends (but more the kind who you say hi to when you see them around) as he was friends with my sister, then he moved to  BC and though i saw him on one of my trips, we stayed sort of friends. then he moved home, moved to toronto, and we spent time together. and the rest is history. It wasn’t a new hello… but it was an important hello, in a different way, to a long time friend. And my favourite one of the year.
most important movie to me this year: the perks of being a wallflower. though i only watched it recently, it meant things times a million. it's words reflected so deep within me, and i felt so much more in a movie about a kid in high school, than i felt in movies i watched all year about people my age. it meant everything at that exact moment.


 “it's much easier to not know things sometimes. things change and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody. i wanted to laugh. or maybe get mad. or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. i think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. maybe that is what makes people "participate.” you can't just sit their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. you just can't. you have to do things. i'm going to do what i want to do. i'm going to be who i really am. and i'm going to figure out what that is. and we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. i don't know. i guess there could always be someone to blame. it's just different. maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, i think that the only perspective is to really be there. because it's okay to feel things. i was really there. and that was enough to make me feel infinite. i feel infinite.” 


most important book for me this year: the great gatsby. every year there is one - and this year, there was no question that this one spoke to my needed peace in life at that very moment. 

‘he smiled understandingly – much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced – or seemed to face – the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favour. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.’


favourite song of the year: i'm torn... and because it's my blog, i can do what i want. this is a tie - between two songs that i've seen performed live this year, which solidified their place in my heart. they are two songs that meant so much to me - for their meaning and their emotion perfectly paired with the music they float alongside with. deer tick's 'goodbye, dear friend', and first aid kit's 'emmy lou'. loss paired with hope. pain paired with longing. and i feel as though these two songs perfectly capture what 2012 was - both painful and wonderful...

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower


what memories are you leaving this year with?

'a man like you, a woman like me'

on tuesday night, filled to the brim with homemade dinner, jeff and i headed out to the piston at bloor and ossington, where his university friend - alanna gurr - was playing a set prior to a couple of other bands (how awful of me - i didn't even stick around for them). i met her briefly when we arrived... she was a sweet little thing. quiet and soft spoken... but most of all, lovely. i could tell by her boots, i would like her.
photo by andra zommers, via myboytheriotgirl

we found a spot in the small area in the back, with the stage in front of us, and there were likely only about 20 people sitting around... and she began to sing with her 4 bandmates with her (bassist, back up vocals, guitar, drummer and pedal steel - I LOVE PEDAL STEEL). her voice is totally unassuming - soft and warm, and totally suiting to their style of music.
having just come off of 15 shows in 15 days (in halifax - she said to us prior to getting on stage), their energy was great - though maybe they were all just a bit delirious! i would likely not be standing after that. and you'd never know from alanna's voice - she was strong and unwavering... hard for someone with such a soft gentle voice.

photo from jeff kalman

unfortunately, the sound wasn't great, and she could have been turned up, or the instruments turned down, as I could hardly hear the lyrics... but when i did, they were amazing. i'd love to see her alone (no offense guys!).
they sang about 7 or 8 songs, then had one of the guys from the next band on, avec banjo to join in. it was a GREAT mix... and i'm a sucker for a banjo, so really... it was a win win. (and check out that vest!!)

photo from jeff kalman

alanna has a great sound... the band (wish i knew the guys names better) is extremely talented, and they could do purely instrumental and be entertaining  they obviously enjoy playing together and there's a ton of fun going on, on stage.
by the end of the show, the room was full. people were dancing and clearly enjoying themselves... which is something to be said for a band fronted by a singer with a soft voice like alanna's... so often bands fall short when their front person is too soft... this band as a whole really shows a lot of depth.


she's great. they're great. musically? wonderful. so, i highly advise you check her out on facebook. she posts where she'll be playing, and updates. you know - the usual bandy facebooky things. you can also listen to her e-p here, or her full album from 2011 - 'oh, horsefeathers' - here. you can also hear a lot more on the CBC website. also. alanna's website where you can buy her album, 'oh, horsefeathers'. it's an awesome album - particularly good for roadtrips, if you like that sort of thing*.

*note: if you don't like that sort of thing, i'm not sure we should be friends.

thanks alanna for the show!

let me know when we get there // if we get there

last night i went to see fink at the garrison on dundas west. and nights like last night, remind me why i love living in the great city of toronto.
dare i saw i've never ventured into this double sided wonder of concert heaven? it's a great venue. good beer on draft and in the can (bottles too maybe - i didn't notice), a bit seperated from the street, and some chairs chill in the front for people to sit close to the stage (making lots of standing room - where you can actually see!). they had great lakes pumpkin ale on draught! duh. i'll be visiting again. i can't believe i've never been (as it's less than 5 blocks from my house).
warning. these may be the worst concert photos i've ever ever taken, to date. as a result, i've also included other people's photos (credit included). so, thanks to them.
we walked in to a smallish crowd... and the dreamy and ever talented and amazing and wonderful donovan woods was opening (how did we catch THAT lucky break??). he's a toronto songwriter, originally from sarnia (but we'll forgive him for that). first album was out in 2007, and since then, he's just been kicking ass and taking names (= writing songs, and singing like a beauty). new album coming in january - and he played some new stuff, so i'm amped about it.
he was perfection. his voice is so familiar, and so calm. his writing is perfect, his singing suits his songs, and he's hilarious. he also wrote a toronto anthem for 'the grid' that you are not a torontonian if you've never heard or don't listen now. go. i can wait.
sorry dudes. didn't note the song list, and showed up a bit late (damn!).  however, he played a length play list. THAT i know.
then, mini break. then, fink. fink is an english artist, based out of brighton. while i would describe him as a bluesy singer songwriter, he has often said he was heavily influenced by his rave days, and the techno that came along with that. throw in some jazz influence (from his very first recording), and you've got fink - a medley of experiement and bluesy songwriting. the fink trio, typically consisting of fin, the MULTI talented tim thornton (LOVE) on drums and guitar, as well as bassist guy whittaker (who was missing last night...), the band is an honest, and gutsy one. they're bold, and EXTREMELY talented (they recorded their last album in 16 days)... and i am constantly in awe when i listen. watching fin and tim perform last night was no exception.
see - told you they were bad
they came on, and instantly started in. just the two of them on stage. and i will say this - any 2 people who can hold an entire performance together, in a small club, while capturing the entire crowd, deserves massive high fives. not unlike first aid kit last week, these two guys are obviously in love with what they do, and they power through their music as though it's the last show they'll ever play. i love that as an audience member.
they dominated their entire set... their english accents thick, and subtly hilarious. the music was consistent  and perfect... better than any album you could listen to. as they played 'this is the thing' my friend alex - who randomly happened to be at the show that night too - wrote me a text that said, "and some songs are those songs that just take you right back, and put your heart in your throat". this song, if you've never heard it, does exactly that. 
'and the things that keep us apart keep me alive and the things that keep me alive keep me alone. this is the thing'
in finishing their set with 'sort of revolution', fin dropped the guitar, and finished off with a mix from his pedals. a quasi dj set on the ground, if you will (you can see what he did here in this video from earlier this year - at about 7:40). beauty. perfect way to end. but then we got an encore. dayum.
set list for fink (missed the first song):   yesterday was hard on all of us   //   pretty little thing   //   save it for somebody else   //   berlin sunrise   //   perfect darkness   //   trouble's what you're in   // wheels   //   this is the thing   //   sort of revolution   //   encore: if only
you should absolutely watch fink perform 'pretty little thing' here. drink it in.
and listen to one of my faves from donovan. try not to like him.
and then, do your research. find donovan on the web here, and check out some future shows here. and don't forget to buy his albums here. find fink on the web here, and check out shows they have coming up here. and then, follow these dudes on twitter here: donovan woods & fink.
thanks boys - even without the bassist, your music was flawless. the crowd was enamoured. and hey - if you ever need jewelry, i'm your gal.

in the morning // on your journey to the sea

last night i had the pleasure of seeing first aid kit live.
guys. i'm totally in awe.
have you ever ever been to a concert, where the minute they started singing, you had goosebumps?
they walked out on stage, and sang in harmony. and i was done for.
let me back up.
the show was at the danforth music hall..... and though i'm vehemently opposed to anything on the east end of toronto, i'll admit it. i was wrong... the music hall is a hidden gem. a hall among halls. do you know how many amazing people play there??? apparently i didn't until last night.
i was supposed to see first aid kit last time they were in toronto (april 4th - at the great hall), but through a mix up with communicating that there would be tickets at the door, i missed out (though i DID get to hear a large portion of their sound check... which was perfect). and i was devestated.
so, for my birthday, i received tickets to their show. didn't even know they were coming back, to a hall i didn't know existed. thank you jeff.
(PREFACE: sorry for the exceptionally awful photo quality) (who wants to donate an iPhone to my blogging?)
 first up was dylan leblanc - i'll admit it. i'm still battling a ravage cold, and was highly anticipating first aid kit. i wasn't a huge fan. i know. i know. horrible. but i'm sure his album is great - but as jeff and i both agreed, his live voice was a little less louisiana bluesy, and a little more kermit the frog, than i generally like.
alas. i got another drink, and waited. and the girls stepped out, in darkened lighting, and harmonized the shit out of their first song (sorry... forgot a set list. will update once someone posts one).
 they were wonderful.... every note hit on the head... and they swayed through every single song with their flowy dresses, and proper swedish attitudes. i felt like i was in the 70's. and it felt good. their voices have so much depth... and what i wasn't expecting? the little bit of headbanger in both of them. it was an entire show we got.... when all we were expecting was good vocals, and 2 cutie pie chicks. their stage presence was beautiful and sweet - and they talked JUST enough. they sang some old and some new, and reminded us of their new album, and played a sample of what we can look forward to. that, to me, is the perfect mix of music....
i also need to say: the drummer who was with them (excuse me for not knowing what his name is) was incredible. his timing was perfect, and he played in the background so wonderfully for these 2 strong voices. he managed an entire percussion section in the background, without anyone ever noticing he was changing between bass drum, and block.
when they came out, sans microphones, and sang with the crowd, i was in heaven. these girls can play like everyone. they sang with the strength of veterans, over the noise of the crowd, without their mics, and played along with themselves.
they were asked recently to play for paul simon, when he received his polar music prize. that's all that needs to be said about the amount of respect these two ladies have gained worldwide. they sang the song that they played for him - america - and had we not known better, you would have thought they wrote it. their arrangement was perfect. paul simon must have been in wonder.
i'll leave it at that - short and sweet. there are few words that can describe the exprience that is these 2 woman's voices live..... so if you have a chance to see them, please do. and, overall, if you've never spent time with this band before, i would have said it before, but i'm even more committed to saying it now: check them out.
their website of fun   //   get some merch here (i'm looking at that tote, because i'm SO in love with their logo - i was dying for it last night)   //   listen to some more of their music here   //   follow them on twitter (and maybe learn some swedish!) here
and.... 2 of my favourite songs by them..... their new video for wolf:
and my all time favourite... emmy lou:

'and i told you to be patient. and i told you to be fine. and i told you to be balanced. and i told you to be kind'

bon iver is a dream to me. and though this may seem like a cop out post, i just love him to death. so when i stumbled onto this graphic of the lyrics for 'skinny love', i was enamoured. and i had to share.
there's so much about this song. its simple words. its concise effort to convey what it means. its heartbreaking melody, and the sadness in the music that the words are held by. its beauty and stunning simplicity - and there are not many songs i love more than this one.
perhaps it's that we can all relate - to a love that we want nothing more than to hold onto... a love that maybe hurts a little more than it should, or weighs a little more on our shoulders than we thought it ever would. but a love nonetheless that you want to hold onto. 
but more than all the makings of a love song that echos of gutted feeling that a true love can give you, the music that supports this song is so hauntingly perfect. i listen to it once, and i can't stop listening for days. it's power from behind the words. instead of a quiet subtle love verse, it bangs out what we all want to yell in those moments. 
i know i've posted this version of this song before, but it's my favourite version. ever. so i'm going to use it again. and since it's my blog, i can do that. 
i just love this song. i hope you all enjoy. and if nothing else, just love justin vernon's red plaid shirt. don't be a snob.
"and at the end of all your lines. who will love you? who will fight? who will fall far behind?"
(the trouble with the internet sometimes, is that it becomes extremely challenging to find original sources of things.... this print came from holmbergh's pinterest, but it links to tumblr after tumblr... if you know the original source, please share!)