i made a dear friend a gift

so as i've mentioned a few times before, i'm working vigorously to purge unneeded things from my apt. it's brought me upon things that i'd forgotten about, things i'd pushed aside, and things i WISH i had purged long ago. it's also encouraged me to completed tasks and project that have been sitting - unfinished and a bit neglected - for long long amounts of time. and, on a sort of unrelated, i've been staring at a binder for over a year - a binder filled with memories of a wedding i was part of, over a year ago. things i had tried to encourage myself to compile into a meaningful gift to the bride... which i had basically ignored for a year.

so finally, when i was purging in regions (this is what it has come to in my little apartment), i took the binder into my hand, and had to make a choice - toss, or commit to?
so i did it. i spent a few hours, and the book made itself. I had already collected notes from friends, family members, and bridesmaids during the shower, bachelorette and wedding... i also kept receipts, napkins, invitations, and other keepsakes during the planning. it made the whole thing easier. i kept it simple and streamlined - that way, if she had already made a wedding album, she could just slip these pages into it... neutrals were my choice. it also helped when i was including things like the neon pink napkins from her bachelorette, and the neon coloured invite and notes from her 80's style shower.

and, while it pained me a bit, i also included handwritten notes. my notes from our original visit to the dress shop, notes from my planning of the events, and i included a few snippets of text here and there.... i feel like it wouldn't be from me, if it didn't include the handwriting/printing that my friends always comment on (i'm a bit infamous for my handwritten notes).

it came together finally... and i was relieved. though it was a fortune to ship it (MARY - MOVE BACK HERE FROM CALIFORNIA!), it was worth it. i included a note... i wanted her to know why i did it, why it was late, and what it meant to me... so the first thing she would find would be a hand written note, when she opened her package.

in my note to her, i said this (with some edits - some things are for friend eyes only!):
"i always have the greatest of intentions. i collect things from trips and memorable occasions, and have grand plans to turn them into photo collages, scrapbooks, memory frames and all those martha stewart type things that we all wish we had 36 hours a day of free time to complete. 
so, i saved all these things from your wedding, and then they sat. i started to compile them all about 9 months after your wedding, and had everything in a binder, with scrapbook paper everywhere.... and then life got very busy, jewelry sales went crazy, and it was put aside again. 
so then. 
i started purging. i was going through clothes, books, photoframes, etc. while trying to purge & clean my apartment... and i found your binder. my friend who was helping me said, 'jamie, are you REALLY ever going to finish that?? just toss it!' but i couldn't. there was something in me that coudln't part with all of the memories - all of the receipts, notes on love. the invitations and emails, and the notes on the dresses that we fought so hard for. i coudln't do it.
so instead - since i knew it was worth it to me - i buckled down. covered myself in glue and sparkles. printed photos and spent hours on placement and location of photos. and finished it. 
you may receive this in the mail, and not want it. you may toss it once you look at it once. and that's totally fine! but i wanted you to see it all. i wanted you to know how much spending your day with you two meant to me. i spent hours and hours, and just wanted everything to be perfect for you both... and i just hope that's what this stack of memories conveys."

a perfect way to purge your home of the things we save from special events... and goodness knows, this friend was elated when she received it in the mail. heck... i want one too now!

update: miss mary received her gift. and was elated! love that she loves it... and now i can google over it when i come visit :)

via mary's instagram

2012 in summary: moments to remember

last year i looked at all of the small things that meant big things along the way. this year is no different. there were a lot of big moments.

via

a few of those big moments were... 

best moment of joy: being able to stand beside one of my best friends in the world, and support him in his marriage to a really kick ass chick. no question. 

hardest moment of pain: not a lot of people know, but i spent a large majority of 2012 not really speaking with my sister. not that i think family items and issues are something that should be spread and shared to strangers across the web, but in our finally sitting down to talk, and hash things out, i was reminded of how painful 10 months of missing her was. and it was not lost on me, how important family relationships are to my life.

favourite memory of laughter: as ridiculous as it sounds, my favourite moments of laughter were those simple moments with friends - beading workshops with some ladies that hurt my gut from laughter, moments between jeff and i that no one else could possibly understand, in which we were both without words (even if we wanted to speak) over something so ridiculous, and a Christmas celebration with friends that left my cheeks hurting from smiles. and though so many amazing and hilarious things happened this year (when you stop laughing, you start crying - and it's so much better to laugh), i can recall those three moments perfectly - and they still make me laugh.

largest lesson taught/learned: that sometimes, we have to do what's right for us. it may not fit into other's plans (in fact, often it doesn't), but we have to do it. because our heart says we should, and our bodies need it. i spent 2012 hearing my head tell me to stay in place, things will be fine - with my heart pulling at me, telling me the opposite. i finally listened to my heart. and it's made for happy decision making. 

hardest goodbye: my uncle passed this year, and left a family broken hearted. we were torn between relief - in that he was able to dance again, and play music, and be his beloved self in heaven - and pain. 3 sisters (my mom and aunts) who lost a life long companion, and 7 nieces and nephews who are without their playmate and friend - lost an uncle. we all miss him whole heartedly... and life just isn't the same without him.  

my uncle's goodbye - collage of his acheivements 

favourite hello: i'm sure everyone has gathered that my lovely boyfriend's name is jeff. he was my favourite hello, because he was a reacquainted hello. we went from being friends long ago, to being sort of friends (but more the kind who you say hi to when you see them around) as he was friends with my sister, then he moved to  BC and though i saw him on one of my trips, we stayed sort of friends. then he moved home, moved to toronto, and we spent time together. and the rest is history. It wasn’t a new hello… but it was an important hello, in a different way, to a long time friend. And my favourite one of the year.

most important movie to me this year: the perks of being a wallflower. though i only watched it recently, it meant things times a million. it's words reflected so deep within me, and i felt so much more in a movie about a kid in high school, than i felt in movies i watched all year about people my age. it meant everything at that exact moment.

 “it's much easier to not know things sometimes. things change and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody. i wanted to laugh. or maybe get mad. or maybe shrug at how strange everybody was, especially me. i think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. maybe that is what makes people "participate.” you can't just sit their and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. you just can't. you have to do things. i'm going to do what i want to do. i'm going to be who i really am. and i'm going to figure out what that is. and we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn't do or what they didn't know. i don't know. i guess there could always be someone to blame. it's just different. maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, i think that the only perspective is to really be there. because it's okay to feel things. i was really there. and that was enough to make me feel infinite. i feel infinite.” 

most important book for me this year: the great gatsby. every year there is one - and this year, there was no question that this one spoke to my needed peace in life at that very moment. 

‘he smiled understandingly – much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced – or seemed to face – the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favour. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.’

favourite song of the year: i'm torn... and because it's my blog, i can do what i want. this is a tie - between two songs that i've seen performed live this year, which solidified their place in my heart. they are two songs that meant so much to me - for their meaning and their emotion perfectly paired with the music they float alongside with. deer tick's 'goodbye, dear friend', and first aid kit's 'emmy lou'. loss paired with hope. pain paired with longing. and i feel as though these two songs perfectly capture what 2012 was - both painful and wonderful...

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

what memories are you leaving this year with?